If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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