Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
