never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
