if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
