Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You ruined the universe
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
