the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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