so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
