Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
