So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
