nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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