dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
