You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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