I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize