Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
