My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
