Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
