Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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