Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
