six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
