Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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