I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
