Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
