Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
