Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
