he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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