Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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