This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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