Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
this hospital has no fireball
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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