Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
