i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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