i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
