Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
