I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
