I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
