it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Operation Purity has been aborted
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
