Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
