And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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