if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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