i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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