why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
