I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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