Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
