oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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