So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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