The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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