Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
