Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
