Having a random hookup so left but love u
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
