But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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