I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
