OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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