my mouth tastes like poor choices
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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