I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
