She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
