Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
