Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I want to be your penis for a week.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
