Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
