Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
