He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
