That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
