Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
whose parrot is this?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize