you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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