shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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