I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
