I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
