At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
