I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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