laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
