Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
