i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
